not looking to things behind

Ever since I became born again, my life hasn't been my own. The Bible calls it "being hidden in God in Christ Jesus." Granted, that was more a potential reality than an actual reality (smile), but, regardless, it is the truth.

Leaving the security of state employment was the first step I took in living that truth out in my life in a major (crazy?) way. And then making a big move geographcially was the next major (crazy?) step. I can't really say the move was 'for the Lord'. At least not intentionally, like I felt my other steps were. All I knew was that I had to do it. Sure, I had my reasons... but seeing none of it panned out like I had planned, it's obvious God had HIS reasons. Reasons I was totally unaware of at the time. And if I had foreseen the 'perfect storm' I was heading into, I'm sure I might never have gone. It was one of the most painful periods of my life on many different levels. But, in hindsight, it was one of the best periods in many ways... or I probably should say, in one ultimate way.

So here I am now. I've been incredibly blessed over these past 5 years, and I've been strengthened. I know my God in a way I never knew Him before... as THE reality of my life. Yeah, when every other reality gets stripped away, it's kind of inevitable that all you're left with is God. ;) He IS my bread and butter, my LIFE. And it feels so good to be in that place.

But what next? Where is this all heading? Where am I going?

I DON'T HAVE A CLUE! All I know is that it's deeper into God. And, to be honest, I have no idea what that REALLY looks like. All I know is what Jesus said, "No man, having put his hand to the plow and then keeps looking back (to the things behind), is fit for the kingdom of God."

What are the "things behind?" Well, this is how Jesus describes that in the story leading up to what I just quoted...

And it came to pass as they went on their way, a certain man said to Jesus, "Lord, I will follow You wherever You go." And Jesus said, "Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head."

And He said to another, "Follow me." But he said, "Lord, allow me first to go and give the last honors (await the death of) my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury the dead (let those without eternal life concern themselves with things like that), but you go far and wide and announce the kingdom of God."

And another also said, "Lord I will follow You, but let me first say good-bye to my family (let me entrust my household to someone)." And Jesus said, "No man, having put his hand to the plow and then keeps looking back (to the things behind), is fit for the kingdom of God."

Strong words, aren't they. Very strong words. Uncomfortable words. (Yeah, to put it 'mildly'.)

There are people who give their lives to defending our nation. They leave family, home and country to put their money where their mouths are. And people usually applaud that decision with hearty thumps on the back and hearts filled with pride... granted, with lots of tears mixed in, too... but most everyone understands that person is heeding the voice of a 'higher call', a GREATER GOOD. They understand there are those who are compelled to make great personal sacrifices in order to obey "the call.' In this case, putting country and all that means before self.

And when they get to where they're heading there's extreme mortal danger everywhere they go. Especially in Iraq. There is NO REST there. The enemy is everywhere because that's where his IEDs are. It's extreme in its brutal life and death reality. But still, they do it, because they know that for them there is no choice. This is where they BELONG. Their only 'choice' is to offer their lives, simply because they believe that much in 'the cause'. Their peace is in knowing they have no doubt, giving their lives is what they must do. No matter what.

No matter what might happen or, even, how 'imperfect' things might be. Because if anyone's read anything about what goes down in war, it always seems far from 'perfect.' But in the minds of these soldiers it's worth it, because they're focused on the goal... the greater good. And no matter what goes down, they're willing to risk their lives because they believe with all their hearts that at the end of the day the greater good WILL prevail.

Wow. How many people can REALLY understand how that feels... to believe in something so much that you're willing to risk your LIFE for it? I can't say I can.

And it gets me thinking. If these young men and women, who haven't even really LIVED yet, are willing to give ALL for something they consider 'greater' than themselves, how much more should I give ALL for THE greater good of God? How much more should I heed the 'higher call' of Jesus? How much more should 'a great personal sacrifice' be made for the one who took me out of darkness? How much more should I feel 'obligated to give something back' for the one who set me free? How much more should I desire to go anywhere and everywhere to share that message so that others can have the chance to be free, too? How much? If we had the slightest inkling of who Jesus is and what He did for us, we'd know it'd have to be MUCH.

Much, eh? Enough to not care if there were no applause and hearty back-thumping, but possibly misunderstandings and resentment instead? Even from those I love and trust the most? Enough to know I might not always see where all the 'IEDs' are hidden? Or my next meal? That much?

What is my reality? The reality of the twelve apostles? The reality of the soldiers defending freedom and justice in Iraq? Just what is MY reality? Get the best paying job with decent benefits that I like 'enough' so I can live 'peace, peace' (safety and security) here on this planet until the day I lift off? Just what is it?!

For many of the soldiers in Iraq, those are moot points. They're too young to realize that the most important things in life are the safety and security of a 'good paying job with great benefits'. They're too foolish to understand that. Yeah, heheh, good for us, eh? Actually, good for the WORLD, eh? Cause most of us sure ain't gonna put out necks on the line like they are.

For many of the soldiers in Iraq, reality is simply stepping up to the plate and saying, 'Here I am, send me.' As much as they might not have a clue what's ahead, that's their reality. As a believer who trusts in the Lordship of Jesus Christ, as a so-called 'soldier of the cross', what's mine?

Here's some food for thought... did you realize that if you have enough financial wealth, people will accept (and basically RESPECT) almost ANYTHING you feel like doing with your life? Just look at Paris Hilton.

dependence

We are born dependent. Dependence is our NATURE. We are born blind and helpless. We can't understand what people are saying or doing. All we know is instinctive. Our first exposure to the world is cold, bright, noisy, harsh. Full of drama, not peace. And we are completely at the mercy of our caregivers. Normally, our parents. Especially our mothers. Our vocabulary is, "I want, I need" or "I'm satisfied".

And it seems the whole issue with God is transferring that sense of dependence... our dependant natures... FROM MAN TO HIM.

IT'S TIME TO BECOME DEPENDENT ON GOD. ON JESUS. ON HOLY SPIRIT. ON THE FATHER. NOT ON MAN.

Start looking for help from angels more than humans, Adoring. (haha, that's great)

BURN ALL THE DEPENDENCE BRIDGES, ADORING!
You do not have to 'geisha' to be taken care of. I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU.

freedom from human do do

I'm realizing this morning how task-driven humans are. We go from task to task. From accomplishment to accomplishment. From do to do. Do this, do that. Now this, now that. Scurry, scurry, little busy bees are we. And it seems most of our enjoyment only comes in finishing the task. A sigh of relief. But only if done "well", of course. And even with that, only for a second. Next! And on and on we go. It never ends.

I'm realizing more than ever how I want my life to be so simple that I don't bring unnecessary tasks, unnecessary burdens, into my life. So that I can DO the stuff I truly WANT to do. Not that I want fun and games... that's not it at all. I just don't want my life filled with never-ending do this, do that do-do. I just want to concentrate on the things I WANT to do. Actually, the things I believe HE wants me to do.

If love is the most important thing in life, then what should my life look like? How is my life an expression of love? And what do I need to remove from my life in order to keep it in the love zone? And if love is the most important thing, than it follows that everything I DO should be done IN LOVE. In a spirit of love. In a flow of love. In the life of love.

Yeah, I like that. By your grace, Lord.

if I just dropped dead

If I just dropped dead and didn't 'linger for days' lamenting my past and the missed opportunities and the love that never was or almost was 'if only'... how would Iive my life?

I would live it totally different than if I were to 'linger' in a haze of Norman Rockwell melancholy. And that's the way I want to live my life, Lord. Full speed ahead. Not stopping for a second to look around to see who's with me or not. Because it's You we're 'with', not each other, anyway.

I can't live my life always yearning for the love and companionship of my family. I can't always be living in the "if only's". I'm tired of the 'if only's'. I need the now's. And I need to stay there and live there until the day I take my last breath.

No regrets. Not a single one. Just a life lived in the fullness of Your presence. That's all I really want. Yes, of course I want my family to live there with me, but I can't reduce that to just being with them in their unsaved state in order to feel like I'm not missing out on something. On them. I can't do that because that wouldn't be real, either. I have to believe that You are in control and, ultimately, we will all be together. Ultimately. But that isn't under my control so I have to let it go. I have to believe it's all in Your hands. Every last speck of it. Every single one. And You are working it allllll together for good. Amen. I have to know that.

This is scary. This is outside my boxes... really outside. But I know there's truth here. A truth that could see me through to the end of my days. No Norman's allowed. ;) Just the power and presence and purpose of God as I enter into the fullness of my identity in Him. And that's what it's all about. Being in Him. Because that's where I'll be for all eternity... so why not start now?

change

The changes feel like they're coming fast and furious.

For Christ sent me... to preach the gospel, to be telling the good news, the Glad-tidings... not with eloquent wisdom or an orator's cleverness or the Cross of Christ might seem an empty thing. The Message of the Cross is indeed folly to those who are in the path of Ruin, but to us who are in the path of Salvation it is the very power of God... to us who are being saved from that death it is nothing less than the power of God. As it says in the Holy Writings, I will destroy all human plans of salvation... render useless the philosophy of the philosophers and the wisdom of the learned no matter how wise they seem to be... I will ignore the best ideas of men, even the most brilliant of them, bringing to nothing the understanding of the prudent. For God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never find God through human brilliance. It pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. We preach CHRIST CRUCIFIED, Christ dying to save them... sheer nonsense to the heathen. But God has opened the eyes of those called to salvation... Christ, the Center of God's wise plan for salvation... Christ, the power of God and the wisdom of God. (From 1 Corinthians 1)

Yes, this isn't about me. It isn't about me by any stretch of the imagination. And don't we all have quite the imaginations. This is about the Father and His Son, Christ Jesus, come into this world to save us. To set us free from sin, sickness, disease, poverty, ignorance... death. From the death within OURSELVES.

That's all that this is about. And that's all I want to give my life for... the telling of the glad-tidings that Christ came and gave His life to save us... to set us free from death so that we can enter TRUE life. Abundant, real LIFE. Through Him. Holy Spirit life.

Please, Ab, make me an ABLE MESSENGER of the cross of Jesus Christ and Him crucified and raised. Amen. All I want is to be an AMBASSADOR of His good news. All I want is to be a MESSENGER OF THE CROSS AND RESURRECTION OF JESUS CHRIST. Make is so, Ab, in Your Son's Name I pray.
---------------------

I see where I've been missing it. It's so obvious, it's ridiculous. Love me, love me not... love me, love me not. That's how I've been living my life. If 'you' love me, I'm happy. If 'you' don't, I'm miserable. Especially if 'you' happen to be family or friends... but, really, ANYONE for that matter.

I've believed a lie that I have to be loved by 'you' in order to have value. And if 'you' don't love me... well, there goes my value.

It says in the Word that Jesus gave His heart to NO MAN. He did not trust His heart to ANYONE. And yet, He was PURE LOVE. He was able to love with complete, utter, total purity... and yet, give His heart to nobody. Wow, that's wild. And that's what I want. That's what I need. I'm seeing now that if I expect to live on this planet, let alone be His messenger, then I have to be like that... like Jesus was when He walked this earth. Beholden to no one. Beholden to no one's love. Needy for NOTHING except His Father and Holy Spirit.

Yes, Jesus, that's the kind of life I want to live, too. That's the WAY I want to live, too. TOTALLY, COMPLETELY, ABSOLUTELY UN-NEEDY FOR ANYTHING OR ANYONE... ESPECIALLY ANYONE'S 'SO CALLED' LOVE (after all, don't most people love us purely because they need our love in return?). Of course... incestuous humanity... that's all we're capable of without God... sucking the life out of each other because we don't have His life filling us.

I'M DONE WITH THE SUCKERS, LORD. I'm done with the sucking and I'm done with those who suck. I don't want to suck anymore, and I don't want anyone sucking on me. IT ALL SUCKS! ;) And I'm done with it. I've had it. It's not that man is 'bad' as much as he is UNABLE to be trustworthy because of his fallen-ness. And even those who have Your Spirit are 'in process' themselves, so they can't be trusted, either. Loved, of course. But trusted? Not. And it's a GOOD THING. Because they don't need the pressure! That kind of pressure forces them to PERFORM. And then we're back to square one... performing monkeys. And God doesn't want monkeys, He wants SONS... He NEEDS Sons!

YOU are the life-giver. You give me life, and in that I am able to give others life. But IT'S ALL THROUGH YOU! It's not about me or anyone else. 'Adoring' is INCAPABLE of giving life. All 'Adoring' can do is give death. It is only God in Adoring who can do ANYTHING. It's only God in ANYONE who can do anything.

Never forget that, Adoring.

Enable me to never forget, Lord!!!! :))))))))) XXXOOO
---------------------

I need a new 'start', Lord. A fresh start. I need to be away from relationships that have been in a 'sucking' pattern. I need new relationships that have a new pattern... YOU AND ONLY YOU.

I've turned a corner, Lord. A HUGE corner. And I can't go back. Heck, I don't WANT to go back. There's nothing 'back there'. Not really. Just my imaginations, actually. Nothing real. Ha. Funny. No, weird... strange. Unreal. But, regardless, forward is the only place I can go. Forward into You, JeFa. More of You. That's the only place there is to go.
---------------------