if I just dropped dead

If I just dropped dead and didn't 'linger for days' lamenting my past and the missed opportunities and the love that never was or almost was 'if only'... how would Iive my life?

I would live it totally different than if I were to 'linger' in a haze of Norman Rockwell melancholy. And that's the way I want to live my life, Lord. Full speed ahead. Not stopping for a second to look around to see who's with me or not. Because it's You we're 'with', not each other, anyway.

I can't live my life always yearning for the love and companionship of my family. I can't always be living in the "if only's". I'm tired of the 'if only's'. I need the now's. And I need to stay there and live there until the day I take my last breath.

No regrets. Not a single one. Just a life lived in the fullness of Your presence. That's all I really want. Yes, of course I want my family to live there with me, but I can't reduce that to just being with them in their unsaved state in order to feel like I'm not missing out on something. On them. I can't do that because that wouldn't be real, either. I have to believe that You are in control and, ultimately, we will all be together. Ultimately. But that isn't under my control so I have to let it go. I have to believe it's all in Your hands. Every last speck of it. Every single one. And You are working it allllll together for good. Amen. I have to know that.

This is scary. This is outside my boxes... really outside. But I know there's truth here. A truth that could see me through to the end of my days. No Norman's allowed. ;) Just the power and presence and purpose of God as I enter into the fullness of my identity in Him. And that's what it's all about. Being in Him. Because that's where I'll be for all eternity... so why not start now?